Updated: Oct 5, 2022
Here's a response on Reddit to yesterday's post (saying it's ok to rest a bit sometimes):
"I struggle a lot with “deserve” or as you call it my “birth right”. How do we know we deserve it? How do we know we’ve done enough to earn those things? What makes me so great that I deserve all that? I’ve made some headway by just think of it through my children - that I believe they deserve these things and more, without requirements so why don’t I also deserve without requirements? I’m still working on it. It’s just really weird to me, like when you go to a friends house and see how their family does something differently, not wrongly or creepily just different, and it catches you off guard and you think “wtf”."
TL;dr - there’s a difference between birthright and judgment. If you want to get free from self-esteem struggles, it might help to translate judgements into core values conversations. You’ll find a starter list of questions below that can help. Just remember: We might feel grief about our mistakes and limitations, and grief can take time to heal, but our mistakes and limitations don’t make us unworthy or bad. (Scroll down for full text.)
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like you sometimes wonder if you are worthy, if you have done good, if you are good enough, or if it is OK to feel good about yourself or feel deserving of good things?
There’s a difference between worthiness and birthright. Think about your breath. Do you have to meet some bar of accomplishment to be able to inhale or exhale? Of course not. There are certain things we are born with, that we don’t have to earn.
There is also a moment of pause, a rest moment, between the inhale and the exhale. If you make a mistake, or if you make 1000 mistakes, does your body or the universe take away this moment between the inhale and exhale? Of course not.
A moment of rest, just like the pause in your breath, is part of nature and part of your birthright. You are born with it, it is your right, in the same way you have a right to breathe as a living being. If you are alive, you get to take a moment of rest sometimes.
Now, about worthiness.
Now we are talking about judgement and self-esteem. Judgement asks, “Are you a good person or a bad person?” We judge ourselves, other people judge us, we judge them. Good/bad, right/wrong, guilt, punishment, these all relate to judgements.
Judgments are more meaningful, and more actionable, when they are translated into the underlying core values.
If you feel guilty or unworthy or undeserving, that may be a symptom of unconscious core values in you that need attention, care and action. Or you may be replaying someone else’s harsh judgments.
These questions might help you reveal the core values behind those judgments:
What is one specific action that is being judged?
What innocent core values might that action be Trying to feed or care for?
What core values are Not taken care of by the action being judged?
What requests/actions can that create a win-win for both sides?
(Click here for a sample list of core values.)
Just remember: We might feel grief about losses, mistakes and human limitations, and grief can take time to heal, but loss, mistakes and limitations don’t make us unworthy or bad.