Updated: Oct 5, 2022
This week, let's talk about the way respect for type dynamics can be a path to increasing peace, understanding, win-win solutions and sanity in our world.
There's a book I read in the 1980's called, "I'm Not Crazy, I'm Just Not You." It was about certain Myers-Briggs types, and how people inadvertently get into friction with each other because of differences of type.
Here's an example of what I mean:
Have you ever heard of the 3 learning styles: auditory, visual and kinesthetic? Visual learners prefer things that look pretty, that catch the eye, that they can see. If they don't see it, it doesn't make sense to them. However, if they are talking to a kinesthetic, there may be friction. Kinesthetic learners need to experience things to understand them. Even if they see a chart or read a study, they won't really fully make sense of the information until they themselves have a felt-sense of the subject. On the other hand, forget the experience and the visuals for auditory learners. They need you to explain it to them verbally.
Imagine a workplace conflict because one member in the team needs more visual cues, while another needs more talk and explanation. The visual person may get annoyed at the auditory. "Why do we have to have another meeting?" The friction here isn't about one person being annoying or crazy, they just have different types.
There are many, many kinds of type-dynamics described by psychologists, anthropologists and academics:
- Myers-Briggs - 16 types - Elemental Types - 4 types - 5 Love Languages - 5 types - Enneagram - 9 types - Personalysis - 4 types - Conventional Gender-Training - 2 types - Cultural types - hundreds of types - many, many others...
Very often, things that irritate us in others are really simply differences of type. Instead of "should-ing" on each other, it helps if we consider the possibility that someone may have a type dynamic that is in our blind spot.
Here are a few examples, written in the form of prose:
A guy at work said,
"Are you guys talking bad about me, everyone seems to be treating me differently?" His co-workers called him, "paranoid". But underneath every difference is a universal core value. Can you guess what core value was behind the voice of his "paranoia"? He may have wanted to feel appreciated, or he may have wanted to get included in the conversation.
At some point in time we all experience a need for appreciation,
or the desire to be included. It's not that he's crazy, he's just not you.
A client's sister has dietary restrictions. She eats no gluten, dairy or corn. The family calls her "complicated", and says she is "annoying". But underneath every preference is a universal core value. Can you guess what core value might have been behind her preferences? She may have been trying to protect her health, she may have wanted to lose weight.
At some point in time we all experience
a desire for our own health and vitality. It's not that she's crazy, she's just not you.
There's a population that shuns all cell-phone use. They avoid the Internet. They talk about EMF sensitivity. Some people around them think them insane. But underneath every choice, no matter what you feel about the choice, is some universal core value. Can you guess what core value the no-EMF camp may be standing up for? They may want privacy,
they may want shared understanding for the studies showing increased cancer numbers around cell towers.
They may want the intimacy of person-to-person connection.
They might want to protect their health.
At some point in time we all need person-to-person presence and intimacy. At some point we all want to protect people we care about from cancer,
and care for their well-being.
It's not that they are crazy, they're just not you.
Notice in these examples how there are fundamental, innocent, universal core values behind each "crazy" behavior.
Very often, behaviors we use to vilify each other are simply type preferences. Arguments between countries, political parties and family members may boil down to simple differences of type dynamic.
In these ways, despite all the best intensions in the world, our very nature is a barrier to consensus. So long as no one is getting hurt, what we can do, is:
1. Try to see the underlying core value in opposing points of view, and seek win-win solutions to integrate them.
2. Be willing to respect type preferences that are different than our own.
3. Be willing to ask others to respect type preferences that are not theirs.
4. Make immediate, doable, win-win, value-based requests.
Nature builds robust systems by cross-pollenating and by mutation. In-bred species become weak and die.
By seeing the underlying values and respecting type differences, we can grow our appreciation for Nature and strengthen our teams, families and communities.
By being more aware of type differences, and by realizing the innocent core values behind all actions, we can increase our patience with others, experience more understanding and compassion, and more easily find win-win solutions that care for everyone's values.
Walking the Talk
How can you benefit from this week's Tip for Sanity? Here are a few questions to help you get the most out of it:
1. Describe - What is the practice described here? (Just the facts, Jack - Who, What, When, Where, How)
2. Think about something you think a family member, political leader or religion "should" be doing differently, that frustrates you. What core value or type preference might your irritation be trying to stand up for?
3. In the situation from question 2, what core value or type difference may have been a part of the choices the other(s) was/were making?
4. How might you combine your core values with the core values of other, A+B, to make a win-win request?
5. Pros/Cons - What are some of the benefits of this practice? What are some of the drawbacks?
6. Compare/Contrast - Think about the divisions in our world because of type-preference arguments. In what situations might this approach work better?
7. Where else might you use this practice to increase sanity in your life? In your relationships? At work? In your community?
8. How and where might you invite others to use this practice with you?
9. What do you value as your biggest take away from this week's Tip For Sanity?
For more help with this tip, or if you’d like a free phone consultation toward an ongoing coaching relationship, call Maya toll-free +1 (800) 889-3829 Tue-Sat 1-4pmET or click here to book an appointment.
Maya Gail Taylor's work with more than 10K clients as a consultant, coach certification school owner, wellness coach, tech developer, author and human evolution trainer has earned her more than 500 LinkedIn endorsements. She trained extensively with Marshall Rosenburg, David Deida, Ken Wilber, Newfield Network, BayNVC, Integral Institute and many others, while delivering her own body of work called "The Integrated Approach" (TIA), a meta-catalogue of skills and technology supporting the evolution of human consciousness through psychographic awareness, balancing, empathy and a 10-point integrated emotional intelligence informed by needs-consciousness and the transpersonal. To learn more about this method, follow LIFTnibbles on YouTube, Instagram or Facebook.
In sessions with Maya, you can trust you will get care, confidentiality and extraordinary results.
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